A lot can be said about the act of cheating on a spouse. We all may have a view on what one would or should do if a spouse cheated. However, until it happens to you, it’s a hypothetical. If you find yourself in the unfortunate place of having been cheated on or cheated, it will no doubt be a major test of your relationship.
Private investigator services will help you uncover adultery in your relationship. For better or for worse, some marriages will fail in the face of infidelity, while others won’t. If this is the question you ask yourself, whether your marriage can survive, you may not be alone.
Here are the signs your marriage will survive infidelity.
Sign 1: You are willing to take the time to heal
Before true reconciliation has to come individual healing. A person whose heart has been broken needs time to process what has happened. Provide them with that space to heal without guaranteeing that the relationship remains or is over.
Sign 2: You can discuss the infidelity with your partner
As tempting as it can be to cut off communication, your marriage can only survive if the doors of communication remain open. Try to discuss the affair to the best of your abilities and within the boundaries you set. Ask questions and seek understanding as to why it happened.
Sign #3: The unfaithful partner must be open in discussions
Someone unfaithful must be willing to be transparent about what happened, where, when it started, how often it happened, how much money was spent in the process, and to answer any questions. It understandably is an uncomfortable conversation to be confronted with. However, it won’t go anywhere if you aren’t willing to reveal the truth and/or try to shut down the discussion.
Sign #4: Set time limits for difficult conversations
If either partner is highly uncomfortable or downright hurting to get through the conversation, don’t force it. Time-limit it. For example, talk for fifteen minutes and then, when the timer is up, take a break, have a snack, and get some fresh air. Pace yourself and try to avoid overstimulating or overwhelming either of you. It may take days to fully discuss how infidelity occurred and what it meant.
Sign #5: Ask constructive questions that seek understanding
For someone hurt by infidelity, they want to do their best to ask questions that avoid causing pain or a confrontation and to instead seek to understand. For example, asking the unfaithful partner what the infidelity meant to them, asking what they felt that person allowed them to express that they could not express within your relationship, and asking how they felt coming home to you after seeing the other person.
Sign #6: Accept that you’re in a new marriage now
Infidelity killed your old relationship. How it was is not how it will be. Do not think about clinging to it because it will not work. Accept that this is where a new relationship is about, to begin with, someone who is flawed and that you care about.
Sign #7: Set aside the past, put it away, and don’t revisit it
In accepting that your old marriage is done, put away the wedding album, take off the wedding ring, and if you haven’t already, consider moving to a separate bedroom. This gives you a hard reset while allowing you to grieve for what happened. It’s not necessarily kicking anyone out of the other’s life but giving each partner their private areas to let things relax before trying again.
Sign #8: Both partners need to be willing to commit to each other
If the one hurt is not ready, rebuilding the marriage cannot move forward. If the one who has committed the infidelity is hoping to continue their clandestine behaviour or is showing signs they may not be capable of committing to the marriage in the way the other hopes, you aren’t ready. A marriage can only survive infidelity if all parties are ready to commit to finding a way through better times together.
Sign #9: Take rebuilding the relationship slowly
Do not rush rebuilding your marriage. It may take months before both partners are ready to try a date. But when you’re both ready, start with a date. Just a date. Slowly move back into having sex, but even there, both partners have to be emotionally ready to go there again.
Sign #10: Both partners are ready to make changes
As you shift from surviving the storm to thriving, both partners must accept that this is not your familiar relationship. Certain changes have to happen. More openness. More communication. Treat each other like you’re a part of a team because you are. The unhappiness or cause of the infidelity in the first place should no longer be present in this new relationship.